Today is Parker and Gavin's 4 month angelversary. Life is just so different from what I had imagine. Right now in my dreams I would have two newborn babies at home. I should be runnning on a few hours a of sleep and going crazy because they won't stop crying. Instead I am running on a few hours of sleep and going crazy because the pain of them not being here is unbearable. I miss them so much, more than anything. I would do and give anything to just hold them for one more day. All I can do is wish that one day I will again.