Thursday, October 15, 2009

Hard time lately

These last few days have been hard. I miss my boys so much. I don't understand why they had to be taken from us. I watch Grey's Anatomy and I missed the second episode of this season, so I watched it online today. It is all about grief, and I cried through the whole thing. It touched on exactly I feel. I just want to get away, but I have no where to go. And the holidays. Man I don't even want to think about that. I want to be alone because I know nobody will understand. Everyone is going to be excited and happy because they should around the holidays, but I'm not. My children should be here with me, but what am I going to do. I can't even lock myself in my own house because right now we are staying with Chad's parents. My life is such a mess right now. I am so overwhelmed with everything.

Today was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, as many of you know. I am so mad at myself for not posting it on here so my family could light candles in remembrance of Gavin and Parker. Anyway I lit every candle in the house for the boys and all the other baby angels. Sadly it wasn't even close to covering all of them. For the whole hour I listened to the boys music and looked at their pictures. I wrote a letter to them and cried the whole time. I think I needed that cry. I saw a couple people posted this video on their blogs, and I wanted to share it with my family and friends. It is from the Stillbirth Foundation in Australia. This video sums it all up. In Australia SIX babies die every day. Just imagine the number in the United States.

I received a comment from Bree to say that she made butterflies in memory of the boys. They are absolutely beautiful, and I love them. That couldn't have came at a better time. I also asked her to send them to me, so I can keep them. I don't know what I would do without my babylost momma friends. Thank you Bree.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

6 months

Today was 6 months from the day we said hello and goodbye to Parker and Gavin. We went home this weekend to visit the boys and we got a nice surprise. We were at the grave side and out of nowhere here come two dogs. They came right up to us. They let us pet them for just a few seconds and then they were gone. Nobody else was in the cemetery.It was our boys coming to just say hi. They were letting us know that they are alright. We miss them so much. I cannot believe it has been 6 months already. It feels like it just happen yesterday.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Pictures & Good News

I finally put all the pictures on the computer so here we go.

Here is the Angel of hope where our brick was placed.

Chad's brother also got married, so here is a picture of Chad and I in front of the ice sculpture.

So now for the good news. Chad and I found out we are expecting again. I am only 6 weeks. I created another blog for the new baby because I want this one to be left for only Parker and Gavin. We all love them and I will never let anyone forget them. So the new blog is