Hard time lately

These last few days have been hard. I miss my boys so much. I don't understand why they had to be taken from us. I watch Grey's Anatomy and I missed the second episode of this season, so I watched it online today. It is all about grief, and I cried through the whole thing. It touched on exactly I feel. I just want to get away, but I have no where to go. And the holidays. Man I don't even want to think about that. I want to be alone because I know nobody will understand. Everyone is going to be excited and happy because they should around the holidays, but I'm not. My children should be here with me, but what am I going to do. I can't even lock myself in my own house because right now we are staying with Chad's parents. My life is such a mess right now. I am so overwhelmed with everything.

Today was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, as many of you know. I am so mad at myself for not posting it on here so my family could light candles in remembrance of Gavin and Parker. Anyway I lit every candle in the house for the boys and all the other baby angels. Sadly it wasn't even close to covering all of them. For the whole hour I listened to the boys music and looked at their pictures. I wrote a letter to them and cried the whole time. I think I needed that cry. I saw a couple people posted this video on their blogs, and I wanted to share it with my family and friends. It is from the Stillbirth Foundation in Australia. This video sums it all up. In Australia SIX babies die every day. Just imagine the number in the United States.



I received a comment from Bree to say that she made butterflies in memory of the boys. They are absolutely beautiful, and I love them. That couldn't have came at a better time. I also asked her to send them to me, so I can keep them. I don't know what I would do without my babylost momma friends. Thank you Bree.