Meltdown

Today was a horrible day. Normally I wouldn't share, but you guys need to know that even though I always put a smile on my face, sometimes it is a mask. I created the blog for this reason. I was suppose to work at Gymboree today. I ask Chad to meet me for lunch at the mall before my shift. When I got to the mall I had a meltdown. There were pregnant women and babies just surrounding me. My attention turned to this one particular women. She was about 8 months pregnant and I had met her before in Gymboree. I knew she was having a boy. When a spotted her, I broke down. I cried the whole time Chad ate his lunch. I was so upset, I couldn't even eat. I finally asked Chad to take me out to the car. I just knew everyone in the mall had their eyes fixed on me, wondering what was wrong. I finally calmed down enough to call by boss to let her know I couldn't come in. She was totally understanding, and even called me back to make sure I got home okay. Chad also had to leave work to come home with me. After crying for another hour, I finally fell asleep. All the emotions from the first day came rushing back. I felt like it had just happened all over again. I couldn't even tell you what set me off, maybe it was the meeting last night, but sometimes it is nothing. I just miss my boys so much. I can't help thinking that is should not be this way. I would do anything to bring them back to me. I would give anything to just hold them one last time. Now I am just waiting on my sign from them. I am waiting for Parker and Gavin to let me know they are alright. I want to believe that they are alive and well somewhere else. I want to believe that they are with all the other angels, and that one day we will be a family again. I miss you Parker and Gavin. My love flies to you tonight on angels wings.