Lately I have been struggling with why my babies had to die. People say there is a purpose to everything, everything happens for a reason. Well what is the reason for my babies dying? I wish someone would tell me. Did God think I couldn't handle two babies at one time? Did he believe that I was too young to have children? Why did Brooklyn make it here, and they didn't? I am grateful for her being here, but I just don't understand. Maybe if I knew the purpose, I could feel more at peace.
I remember the day we found out we were having twins. I just couldn't believe it. I never even thought of it as a possibility, since there are no twins in our families. I was shaking, but I cannot tell you how excited I was. There was never a doubt in my mind that I couldn't do it. Now Chad, on the other hand, was a little scared and worried, but began to get excited. I just want to go back to that time. That innocence. That excitement. I want to hold my babies again. I want all three of my babies here in my arms. My heart is torn.