Tuesday, June 15, 2010

What was the purpose for this?

Lately I have been struggling with why my babies had to die. People say there is a purpose to everything, everything happens for a reason. Well what is the reason for my babies dying? I wish someone would tell me. Did God think I couldn't handle two babies at one time? Did he believe that I was too young to have children? Why did Brooklyn make it here, and they didn't? I am grateful for her being here, but I just don't understand. Maybe if I knew the purpose, I could feel more at peace.

I remember the day we found out we were having twins. I just couldn't believe it. I never even thought of it as a possibility, since there are no twins in our families. I was shaking, but I cannot tell you how excited I was. There was never a doubt in my mind that I couldn't do it. Now Chad, on the other hand, was a little scared and worried, but began to get excited. I just want to go back to that time. That innocence. That excitement. I want to hold my babies again. I want all three of my babies here in my arms. My heart is torn.


  1. I have asked myself these questions too, but found no answers. Praying for you.

  2. They say everything happens for a reason. One of those reasons is that life isn't fair. One of those reasons is that there IS chaos found within order.

    When I hear people say that everything happens for a reason, my physiological reaction is that I start shaking from deep within. The anxiety from that statement starts short circuiting my entire system. I want to scream and start hitting things.

    I want my twins too. There isn't a reason for any of this loss. It was needless loss. I'm so sorry your twins aren't with you. It isn't fair.

  3. I am sorry for the loss of your twin boys. We lost ours 6 weeks ago and I would do anything to go back to the day we found out we were having twins.

    I accept the medical reasons I lost my boys (TTTS) and make it the only reason I lost them. I don't blame God. Instead I try to reason that he knew it was going to happen and put things in place that would help us survive this tremendous loss. Looking at it this way has helped me some.

  4. I am so sorry for your losses all of you. I lost one of my twins when they were 8 weeks old on August 27th 2011. I too have a hard time trying to understand why this has happened I don't have a determination of death yet but I have a feeling it will come back as SIDS.