Saying Goodbye to 2009

A new year is upon us. I am looking forward to what the new year has to offer. A new little girl on her way, and praying she makes it here safely. On the other hand, we have to leave 2009 in the past. Which means the day we lost Gavin and Parker. Courtney from The Peeks said it perfectly. 2009 was the year I became a mother. I don't want to leave that behind. I don't want my boys to become a thing in the past. Although that was the worst day in my life, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. These two sweet boys have been blessings in our lives. They have changed us for the better. I am grateful for the time I had with them, and even though they are gone love still lives on. It is bittersweet, but yet I guess everything is always going to be bittersweet.

Christmas

I haven't had the chance to post yet about Christmas. Chad and I went home to visit my family for Christmas. Which was so great. I didn't want to be anywhere else (well besides with my boys, but that is not possible). It was difficult knowing that Parker and Gavin were missing. Instead of Chad and I each holding a baby, I held my two year old cousin while she opened her gifts. That will be the hardest part of everything I do, knowing that something is missing. That sting will always be with me.

On the other hand, I did get some gifts in remembrance of Gavin and Parker. We got some ornaments and a solar powered cross to put at their grave. It was nice for people to acknowledge my pain.





Here is the tree that we put up for Parker and Gavin.


We also had Christmas cards done. I didn't know if I wanted to do them at first, but then I had to let everyone know that Gavin and Parker are still very much apart of of lives. Chad and I are holding their bears and blue flowers. I had four, two white and two blue, but you can only see three. Then we decided to only have the flowers in color so we colored all of them blue. Then on the back, we have a picture of just the bears and flowers.

Our friend is expecting

I just found out that a friend of Chad and mine is expecting. I am so upset. Why am I so upset? I should be happy for them, I guess. Even though we are expecting also, it is not the same. I just imagine Chad and I having our boys and everyone being crazy over them. Now they are going to have a baby around the same time. I sound crazy and I don't know how to put what I am feeling in words. It just should not be this way. Its not fair. I want my boys back. Why my sweet, innocent boys!